shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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