im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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