Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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