pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
