Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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