Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
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I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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