i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
