I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
