he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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