my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
