great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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