He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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