my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My first STD was from a foam party
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
