Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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