you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
