yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
