i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
