conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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