so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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