I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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