I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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