4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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