**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
