FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it because I queefed?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
