On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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