This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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