I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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