just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
