gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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