he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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