I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think i have two assholes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
