i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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