Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
