dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize