Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize