3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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