Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
