I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Acid is not a monday night drug
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
