Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
