"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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