The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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