just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
