Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
