Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
