i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
