dude i'm inner monologue high
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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