oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
