apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
