I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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