K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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