your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
