My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
