Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
