If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
