Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
