Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
