I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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