just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
