It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
