Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
