what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
